Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Many of you know already that I have, in the last month, separated from my wife. We realized that we were making each other miserable, so, for the sake of our respective sanities, and the welfare of the kids (who shouldn’t have to watch mommy and daddy fighting so often), we decided on a trial separation.

We don’t know if reconciliation is possible. But we’ll see what the future holds when we get there.

I changed my Facebook relationship status from “married” to “it’s complicated” (there’s no “separated” option. Being “separated’ is not quite “single” and not quite “married.” It’s a relational limbo that people interpret for themselves.) as a way of starting to tell people. I have told close family and friends, as well as my congregation and a few colleagues. So people are starting to learn of R’s and my separation.

I have been hesitant in telling people because of the requisite feelings attached to a failed marriage: grief, shame, embarrassment, anger, etc. It’s hard telling people that what was supposed to be a lifetime commitment disintegrated after only 9 years. It’s hard being THAT statistic which people like to throw around so carelessly.

But I also have a sense of possibility for the future. New doors opening and avenues to explore. I imagine that my wife is feeling the same complex of emotions.

I appreciate the support I’ve received since the news got out there. Most people have been kind, gracious, and generous. Especially from within my faith community.

I covet your prayers for my family, specifically for the girls. If praying’s not your thing, send positive vibes our way. And feel free to buy me a beer.

I’ll keep you updated....

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