Monday, June 28, 2010

Energy and Renewal

I have more energy these days. A LOT more energy. And because I have more energy, I’m more productive (I finished the first draft of my sermon this morning) I wish I could point to one reason why this is, but there are many factors.

But the bottom line is: this what I can do when I’m not depressed.

As many of you know I separated from my wife last November. And I knew I was emotionally depleted, but I figured that a few days in the gym per week and my daily green smoothie would help.

It didn’t. Around the beginning of Lent I fell into a deep depression. The worst of my life. I worked minimal hours, just getting the basics done. Then I’d spend a lot of time in bed. I’d spend time with the girls, but would sit them in front of the TV. I stopped reading. I couldn’t concentrate. Life sucked.

One day around Easter I stayed in bed until 3:25 pm. The only reason I got dressed was because I had to pick my daughter up from school and obviously couldn’t abandon her. That’s when I realized I needed help. So I made an appointment with a counsellor.

He was awesome. He recommended the book Feeling Good by David Burns, and it opened my eyes to what I was experiencing and have me the tools to facilitate my healing. After two months (or so) of hard work I found that my energy had returned and I could see the world differently. My sense of self gained strength and could see new possibilities for the future.

I’ve since returned to the gym and started a healthy eating program. Some parishioners and friends have offered incentives (I’m REALLY looking forward to losing the first 10 pounds!) and so I feel like my life is finally coming back together. It feels like I’m creating my life rather than reacting to life as it’s happening to me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have some semblance of control.

Ministry has become a joy again. I feel like my old - but renewed - self.

That’s why I can write two sermons in one morning. But I’m sure the green smoothies play a part.


Nastyboy said...

Good to hear you're doing well. I've struggled with depression and PTSD for most of my adult life due to my experiences in the military. It can be a lifelong struggle, I hope not in your case.

Going to the gym is amazing therapy. especially when you start seeing results. If you can, think about a personal trainer. Did a world of good for me. I love my workouts. I'm at the point now where it feels weird if I don't go to the gym.

keep up he good work.

Kevin Powell said...

Nastyboy...great to hear from you in your earlier incarnation!

Thanks for the encouragement! And I hope you're about to control your depression and PTSD. I can't imagine how military folks cope with what they have been/are being exposed to and asked to do on our behalf.

Stay healthy!


Anonymous said...

A very frank post Kevin, I don't know that I'd want to share such things on my blog. Hope you continue to heal as you journey into the future.

I like your new blog template and for eyes like mine, the size of font in this post is much easier to read.

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